Wednesday, September 19, 2012

...Essential + Exclusive !!! Ron (Ice Dragon) interviews Jon from PILGRIM

When Ron from ICE DRAGON told me last week that he had just sent some questions to his buddy Jon Rossi from PILGRIM for an interview in T.O.P., I thought this was a fuckin' cool initiative !!!Naturally Ron knew he had complete latitude to lead it as he wanted and shit he did it fuckin' well, original and funny... As you'll quickly see, for a change, there's no place here for seriousness, no debate on the future of traditional doom (which PILGRIM is yet perpetuating... check out their masterpiece of slow classic Doom "Misery Wizard" !), no commentaries on their recent 1st European dates or next Roadburn, no projections on the next 5th albums ... but there's still a wagon of ESSENTIAL informations that you've never heard about ;) after all, don't you think that such good moments and thoughts -salacious or not - shared by two great friends, isn't it just that la belle vie ?!!!
A huge thanx to you Ron and Jon for what follows and all the best to you guys \m/

HAIL!! Have at thee sons of bitches! What say ye?!
-Hails you filthy mother fucker. I'm too high to die!

On a weekday, how many bowel movements do you normally have? Do you like to have one before shows sometimes? I had a great one last night.
-Personally, I've leveled myself out at a healthy two per day, one in the morning after a hearty breakfast and another right after my dinner as finished slipping
and sliding through mine intestines. The Soothsayer spends at least 4 or 5 hours a day perched upon the porcelin throne, dry heaving and deficating at an alarming rate. His screams of pleasure can be heard echoing through the hallowed halls of his domain. Krolg, on the opposite end of the spectrum, has earned the moniker of "Shit Camel". He purposely holds his shit in for days at a time compiling meal after meal worth of feces in his bowels. No one knows why he practices such a bizarre defication ritual. Perhaps it has been passed down through his lineage for many
generations. Wherever he goes he is constantly farting and moaning and he ALWAYS smells like shit... ALWAYS.

What is your favorite donut(s)?
-I think I speak on behalf of the band when I say Boston Cream. You can't go wrong with a standard glazed though, and I think everyone can get down on a chocolate. Ooooh, and powdered jelly. There aren't many donuts we wouldn't eat. At Halloween we gorge on the black ones with orange sprinkles.

Hey remember that time The Wizard thought there was grey poop everywhere?
-There WAS grey poop everywhere, and it came from the asscheeks of your cat.

Do you find that Count Elric the Soothsayer cock blocks you guys a lot since he’s so sexy with his shirt off all the time? Like you’re trying to hit on some dude and he comes over and ruins it? Know what I mean?

-You'd be surprised. Elric is usually too drunk to speak coherantly to his prey and will scare them off by babbling about literature. It's for these reasons that he typically resorts to rape or kidnapping for his sexual urges. Krolg and I are sexual godsends. Simply put, we are absolutely irresistable to every walk of life, men, women, hermaphrdytes, asexuals, various flor and fauna, even innanimate objects have mysteriously wound up in our buttholes when we wake in the morning. There is nothing that ever stops us from plunging our cocks into willing recipients.

If you could make any kind of sandwich you wanted RIGHT NOW, then what would it be?
-Hmm... Italian sub. Ham, cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickles, oil and vinegar and a light application of mayo. It's always better when you add an obscure Italian meat into the fray. I'm a big fan of prosciutto.

Phil Collins? I’m having a sugared jelly, those are my favorite.
-Nobody cares what kind of donuts you like, this is OUR interview. You've got some nerve.

You guys are all pretty small young lads. Do you have any dirty magazines at all? Or is that something you never had because you grew up with the internets all the time 24/7?

-We've never owned any porno mags. We all grew up with internet access and we've all masterbated furiously on it for as long as we can all remember. We've never had to jerk it to the Sears Catalog like you, Uncle Ron.
We consider ourselves very very lucky, AND spoiled. When we were younger we used to watch Japanese Hentai cartoons, but now that we're older we've moved on to beastiality (Elric), tranny porn (Krolg) and snuff asphixiation (myself). And it HAS to be anal, that softcore pussy vaginal stuff just doesn't cut it anymore.

Here’s a question from Joe: "Pilgrim, what is your favorite beer at the moment? Also, if you would, please construct your favorite pizza for us... what toppings would you choose? Also, how good are steak and cheese subs?"

-All three of us like Wychwood's HOBGOBLIN, it's the best fucking beer of all time. I also enjoy IPA Stone. The one with the badass demon on it. We like dark,
heavy beers. The other night I had a Newport Storm Blueberry Ale, that ruled. (Thanks Casey, so nice!)
A classic pizza that PILGRIM can all agree on is Hawaiian with banana peppers. So fucking good. We also like taco pizza. Oh yeah, and this monstrosity called
the Couch Potato. It's like a baked potato with sour cream and melted cheese on top of a pizza. It's fucking insane man. It makes you full after one piece.
Steak and cheese rules.

IT’S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!?
-Nee Jabba no badda.
Do you guys wipe sitting down, or standing up?
-Sitting down, like men.

Jon and Ron

How does it feel being the first all gay doom band from the US? Does it make things more difficult for you at home? Or do you find that most
people are cool with it?
-Being gay isn't a choice for us, it's a lifestyle, a vision, a gift and a curse. It's a double-edged sword. There is something about men that just drives us wild, how they smell, their greasy skin, their hairy arms and legs, they just drive us wild. Luckily for us, being homosexual has allowed to have intercourse with some of our favorite musicians! We've fucked every member of Ice Dragon, me and Angus from Maine's HESSIAN have been in a long distance relationship for years now, and every time we roll through New York, the guys from NATUR are always waiting for us with their buttholes open.

Isn’t John from Bearhug’s beard really great too? Sometimes I think it would be fun to use it as a towel after washing my face or something. Am I right?
-That dude is rad. He is one of the coolest looking people ever. He looks like a wizard. I love wizards. Both John and Charlie from BEARHUG are amazing dudes
and their band had a huge influence and impression on us when I was in highschool. I remember listening to "Griffon Duke" while tripping on acid in my bedroom with my friend Chris and being like "Dude, this is fucking amazing." What a great band, I wish everyone knew who they were. If you guys are reading this, hurry the fuck up and record some more music! Come on dudes, your band is so good!
-Thanks for shooting the shit with us Uncle Ron, we love you. Tell Sam, Hotei and Werner that we love them too. Let's get drunk and break stuff again soon.

I hope that this 1st chapter will be followed by many other Artist to Artist INTERVIEWS... starting by Grant Netzorg (ITCOS) interviewing his buddies from FISTER within the next days ! don't hesitate to submit yours ;)